A Letter To My Oldest Companion
To loneliness. Gloomy, persistent and sweetly dark loneliness. You haven’t stopped visiting me for as long as I remember.
It hurts every time you are here, yet I am so grateful to you.
If it wasn’t for you, I would have never turned inside to look for the light.
They say everyone needs to find a doorway to the great mystery, and you, my loyal dark and tenacious friend have been my guide to the warmth and light of the everlasting Sun.
They say I am light, playful and beautiful. They don’t know the many nights of endless darkness and tears, where I only had you by my side.
Because of you, I learned to pray and I learned to feel and to yearn for the grace of the Mother.
It was somewhere between weeping and exhaustion where I heard her voice for the first time.
A broken heart, a quiet den, a soul who was so tired of fighting the darkness and had given up trying to hide the truth, and you my oldest loyal friend, were all I needed to recognise the ultimate yearning of my heart; to be one with the voice that spoke to me with unimaginable love and an unwavering capacity to hold all of me in her arms, forever.